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A Relationship Toolkit


Awareness and Enlightenment in Relationships:

A Relationships Toolkit

Relationships pose one of life’s most interesting challenges. They offer us a playground, a classroom or an arena for self-realization and evolution. Different people draw different aspects of us forward, partly by the interaction of our personalities, but also because the two-person group consciousness with every single individual is unique. Some relationships are easy and delightful, and some are very challenging. Some are life-long, affecting our journeys deeply while others are brief moments in time.

As we progress on our spiritual journeys of self-awareness and transformation, what we bring to relationships and what we ask of our relationships change. When it feels important to bring a higher order of self to our relationships, having a good set of inner tools becomes very helpful. In the following list, you will find a number of tools or rules for an evolved style of relating, no matter who you’re with.


- Take full responsibility for all your own stuff, including your beliefs, soft-spots and reactions. Know your own ‘schtick’. Stay aware of your own emotional and mental state and own your reactions.

- Don’t blame other people for how you feel. If you give away the power of your own experience, you lose the opportunity to change to a better state of being.

- Know that you get back a version of what you give out, whether good or bad. Know that your beliefs carry energy and create reality whether you voice them or not. Be responsible. Clean up your inner voices of criticism and control.

- Become aware of the projections you have onto other people. Set them aside or surrender them. Let life reveal itself. Observe with innocent perception, unclouded by your beliefs. See each person as a God-portal and appreciate their uniqueness. See them the way the higher energies see them.

- Actively choose what you want to have matter to you. Take your time to sense what is in right alignment with your core self. Don’t just go along with something without asking first if it’s right for you.

Heal Your Wounds

- Get to know your own dark wounds, thoughts and behaviors. Work to heal your wounds and triggers. Improve the problematic patterns you bring to your relationships. Apologize when you have let the dark come through to speak or act in your place.

- Meet other people without your Energetic Defense Systems activated. Remember, your vulnerabilities are related to your own wounds, not the other person.

- Never justify the dark. Don’t collude with darkness in other peoples’ fields. Recognize the voice of the dark and staunchly refuse to engage with it. Challenge its version of ‘truth’ with the view from the higher energies.

Stay Connected

- Stay connected with your Higher Energies as much as possible. Build inner relationships to help you in all ways: to reveal spiritual Truth, to heal wounded beliefs about the Self, to dissolve defense systems, to get all your needs met or eased, to feel loved, to feel forgiven.

- Let your major relationship be on the inside with your own spiritual nature and get your needs met first from within. Don’t expect other people to meet your inner needs. Allow the people in your life to be on their own journeys rather than as props in yours.

- See through the illusion, both individual and collective. Don’t believe your beliefs. See life the way the higher energies see it. Transcend the dual nature of the denser fields by connecting with and embodying your higher energies.

- Meet other peoples’ Energetic Defense Systems through your Heart, with love and compassion for their vulnerability. If they go to their dark, don’t make it worse. Stay grounded in your Higher Energies and help them to feel good again.

- Stay in integrity and alignment with your Self. Use your Higher Energies actively. Trust your intuition. Accept and obey your inner guidance.

Embody Love

- Live without judgement. Practice unconditional acceptance. See only the face of God looking back at you from the world.

- Practice forgiveness through release of your personal attachments. Get your needs met from within. Support people unconditionally in becoming the best version of themselves they can be, without concern for how it might affect you.

- Never underestimate the power of kindness.

- Practice harmlessness.

- Live without attachment. Give up your agendas for other people. Relate to all other people as spiritual peers. Avoid all power imbalances.

- Practice discernment. Stay both flexible and strong.

- Surrender your self to your Heart, to becoming an embodiment of Divine Love. Live by the motto ‘Love is Better’.

- Remember that you can always love more.


written: 2008


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